A Theater Revolution

I love movies and I love seeing them in the theater. However, I hate the dregs of society that sit next to me in the movies. I am not alone in this feeling. I am sick of those who come to a movie, paying a fair chunk of change to: eat their popcorn like they haven't seen food in days and to eat this food while having mouths gaping: constantly checking their cell phones for that all important message that will alter their state of being (it aint coming because you are not that special -sorry): talking to their friends about their other low-life scum sucking friends: narrating the movie for the well seeing and hearing douche of a friend that sits next to them watching the same God forsaken movie: hopping up and down from their seat to either refill that enormous bucket of lard and starch to sedate their sarlac pit of an appetite: bring their 2 year old to an existential movie about the French Revolution and then wonder loudly why their child is squirming and yelling. Guess what people? I don't want you sitting next to me in a movie theater and neither do a lot of other people!

I encourage those who share these sentiments to become vocal. Call these fuckers out. Feel free to embarrass them and tell them to be quiet or stop being a fucking cancerous nuisance. Leave the theatre for a minute and have a staff member eject them from the theater; chances are you will be rewarded with a free pass to your next movie. Do something to make yourself heard and lets make a stand against the ignorance of the world. Sure I am only referring to movie goers here, but this shit is important to me. A movie theater is supposed to be an escape from the assholes of the world. I pay to experience this escape, not to be trapped for 2 hours with those I am fleeing from.

Next, I encourage movie theaters to embrace these sentiments. I plead with movie theaters to be active in ridding these detestable creatures from their houses of business. Proclaim loudly that you agree with the words above and that you promote such a haven away from the Darwin rejects of our society. If you do this I will come. The numerous masses of those with similar attitudes will also come. The alternative to doing nothing more than the inept status quo of broadcasting brief postings prior to the movie to stop talking, put down the phone, and enjoy the movie will result in those faithful to paying to watch a movie will disappear. We are numerous and we are what make movies successful. We, the many who love to escape through the medium of a movie will dwindle away. We are also a strong and valued source as we see more than one type of movie. We see them all. We go when the economy is thin and we go when the sun is up and the skies are blue. We go no matter what and we thank you for the service you provide, but with an abuse of this service comes a re-evaluation of its worth.